It’s that bizarre time of year again. Marital aides are being removed from their drawers and taken down to football stadia with those select few fans that feel like spending their day standing behind journalists, looking half excited and half ashamed. Jim White’s fucking yellow tie has been clipped onto his collar, the colour merging with his fake tan to create a nice sunset effect. It’s a biannual international holiday when copious amounts of unjustified excitement is followed swiftly by disappointment, anger and reluctant acceptance.
Transfer deadline day is upon us, ladies and gentlemen.
We start off by shedding a piece of self entitled dead weight named Ryszard Baran. It’s Genoa in the end that stump up £500k and a promise of 50% of his next transfer fee, trumping the previous frontrunners Bologna. He has real potential so I’m happy that we’ll get a chunk of what might be a big future fee. It’s just a shame that the club was already about £1.5m in the red from inherited debt, so we’ll only see 25% of the cash, but it’s better than nothing.
Anyway, Baran’s got a bad attitude and I think we’ll be better off without him. I tell him as much actually, before he leaves. Ta ra, Ryszard. Don’t let the door hit you on your way out.
Our first incoming of the day is a possible replacement for Baran’s position in the squad. Vladan Savanovic signs on a free transfer, well, for £8k compensation, from a small Bosnian side called Vlasenica.
Vladan is an 18 year old Bosnian midfielder. He’s by no means the finished article, but he has potential. Good technique and leadership, along with great speed, balance and aggression are particular highlights.
My final incoming transfer of the window is a familiar face, but for once it’s not one of my former heróis. Danny Wilson puts pen to paper after being released by Glasgow Rangers in the Summer.
I’ve always been a fan of Danny, ever since he came through Rangers’ ranks as a youngster. In my opinion he took too big a step too quickly and paid a steep price. He’s not convinced since moving back North of the border in what many saw as his last chance, but I still think he can make it. He’s got everything a centre back needs: He’s determined as all hell, a great leader and defender, fine on the ball, tall and physically excellent.
The one drawback to this deal is that Danny’s agent insisted upon a £240k release fee for foreign clubs, but my thinking is that if he does well enough to make someone activate it, we’ll have had a solid defender and we’ll have made a profit.
“I’m recruiting so many Scottish warriors, it’s like I’m Braveheart, isn’t it Danny?” I ask enthusiastically in his first training session with the rest of the squad.
“Nae really” replies Danny Wilson, bluntly and without looking at me.
“Oh.” My face drops slightly. I turn to Alan Hutton. “What do you reckon Alan, I’m a bit like Braveheart aren’t I?”
“A wee bit, aye” replies Alan, who seems slightly annoyed by the question. I’ll take it.
The last deal of our window is for our promising young centre back and central midfielder Arkadiusz Pluta. I turn down a potential £140k offer from Brentford, which naturally pisses Pluta right off, so after a bit of haggling, Brentford become the 2nd team of the day to sign one of our young players for £500k and 50% of the next fee.
I don’t really mind. With Danny Wilson joining fellow scotsman Alan Hutton, the trusty Olivier and our regular left back Damian Garbacik, we’ve now got 4 players who’ll do good jobs at centre back if needed, so relieving our debt a bit more for a youngster I had no intention of playing is a no brainer.
And with that, the day is done. The Sky Sports camera crews all pack up and head home from their respective stadia, the marital aides go back in the drawer, the yellow tie is unclipped and Jim White is put back in frozen carbonite where he’ll remain until January.
The sun has set on deadline day, and our squad is finally complete.
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